Mission Field

After graduating from high school in 2005 I always desired to do mission work.  You know, go to Africa or Haiti or Mexico and help those who "can't help themselves" and in the midst of it have some life changing experience that would change my outlook on life forever.  Well, it's 2011 and I still haven't gone to Africa, Haiti, or Mexico, but that doesn't mean I haven't done mission work and that I haven't had some life changing experience.  Truth be told, as a single person working in youth ministry living 800+ miles away from "home" dependent upon the generosity of others to have a place to live, my life screams missionary.

To the world, I seem like a recent college graduate struggling to make it in the world, but to the One who knows the true depths of my heart I'm right where He wants me...continually seeking Him! Oh how tiring this life can be when not fully centered on Him.  Even the slightest spiritual distractions can seemingly cling to us like a parasite feeding off our failures.  Oh how necessary it is for my heart to be properly disposed to He who made me and for whom I was made.

What separates normal everyday people from missionaries is not location, paycheck, or work attire; rather it is attitude, disposition, and grace.  I am not here to witness history; I am here to be a witness to Christ's work in my life...I pray everyday that "He must increase; I must decrease!"

Afraid to Jump

Have you ever faced a time in your life where you knew you were called to something more and found your heart bursting with excitement but fear seemingly paralyzed you and you lacked the ability to even more your feet?  Okay, maybe that seems a little extreme, but is it?

When I was younger my family moved from a one story house to a two story house that was literally right down the street.  Being a military brat it was awesome because it came with the excitement of moving to a new house without the pain of leaving a place that was becoming home.  I was too young to be of any real assistance to my parents but I was definitely old enough to get into trouble.  

My twin sister, my brother, and I quickly ran from room to room laying claim on the awesome empty spaces we saw knowing that our parents had the ultimate choice we still felt our claims meant something.  We were young so although big empty rooms were exciting the excitement only lasted like 2.7 seconds for each room.  Soon we would move on to the next room where more boxes were continually becoming small fortresses in the center of the rooms.  My brother, who was usually a room or two ahead of my sister and I, yelled "this is the coolest room ever"...doubting my older brothers ability to judge coolness my sister and I took off in search of the origin of this shout.  When we came into the (laundry) room we were in instant agreement with my brother as we saw the awesome display of Disney character carpet set up in hopscotch patterns all over the floor.  We played a few games of hopscotch and then again heard my brother yell "we've got a balcony"...my sister and I again ran to see why this was to elicit so much excitement.  Upon arrival at the aforementioned balcony we to were excited.  Quickly excitement faded into boredom which my brother quickly filled with the sound of his voice again as he said to my sister "I dare you to jump!"  Without missing a beat my sister then turned to be me and said "I double dog dare you!"  Upon hearing these words I knew what  I had to do...

As I stood on that balcony my life didn't flash before my eye and I wasn't moved to tears, but I did became vary aware of the fact that something deep inside was thinking this wasn't a good idea.  Right about that time my brother yelled "GO!" and I jumped.  As I got right to the point of no return I then realized that I was bare foot and that below me was concrete.  Don't worry, I survived, no broken bones, but upon landing I turned to find my Father, mouth wide open, rendered speechless by the stupidity of what just happened.  When his words quickly came back to him and he asked me why I jumped I simply pointed up...by the time he looked to see what I was gesturing at my brother and sister had already taken off for cover.  At this point I saw my window for escape closing and took off as well.  

To this day I wonder how I managed not to seriously hurt myself, but I also think a lot about what inside me allowed me to jump.  Don't get me wrong it was a DUMB thing to do, but there was this childlike faith that assured me that, for some reason unknown to me at the time, I'd be okay.

Life tends to suck that childlike faith right out of us.  So much so that I'm seeing my generation becoming "afraid to jump".  I've witnessed many of my closest friends stand in fear at something that growing up seemed to elicit a sure yes.  So many are afraid to trust, love, commit, move, speak, act, and listen.  

Why have these things become so hard...I pose that it's because we're a generation that has been exposed to  lies that distort all of these.  From a young age we're taught that you should only trust your own opinion as right and that love is all about what you can get...this leads to only committing for short term things.  All this has lead to a fear to move against the grain.  We, as a generation move, speak, act, and listen to what has been sold to us from the world.  Looking at the current state of our world - I know there has got to be more to life then selfish love that trust no one.

I may be a little off base, and some may even think I'm out of touch with what's going on in the world, but that's okay by me.  There is a freedom that comes when love is selfless,  and you take the time to stop, be still, and listen to the desires of your heart.  There is freedom in moving against the current towards something more transcending then present culture.  I pose that that something is eternal, you may or may not agree...but you have to ask yourself - am I afraid to jump?

World Youth Day

How do you put into words something that it seems may take a lifetime to fully process?  Immediately upon returning from World Youth Day I felt like I was asked to do just that.  It seemed like everyone I knew was asking me what happened during the past week of my life.  There are a number of details that are quite easy to tell such as what we did each day, where we were at a specific time, or even how close we came to the Vicar of Christ himself. For those of you curious about the last one of these, the picture below is from my camera, I'm guessing we were about 10-15 feet away from Pope Benedict XVI.

For every detail I can expound upon I feel there are many (especially in the area of graces received) that  I cannot even begin to explain. For example, yes I saw the Pope up close and personal, but that, to me, wasn't the biggest blessing of the trip.  The biggest blessings are those innumerable things that touched my heart that I will hold dear for the rest of my life. Some of those blessings came as we took a train ride to Avila because I had the chance to simply sit, admire the beautiful scenery, and contemplate life.  Or when myself and a teen (Bobby) helped a little boy (Ivan) see the Pope by putting him on the teens shoulders.  What exactly was it about those moments that challenged the very core of my being?  I'm not exactly sure, but I know for a fact it did.

So, again I ask how do you put into words something that seems it will take a lifetime to fully process?  Well, I guess the short answer is: I can't without deeper reflection.  There is nothing wrong with sharing what you can, but there is more to life then that. I believe if you just share what you can and never truly reflect on the experiences that shake and shape the core of our being then we are doing ourselves a great injustice.  I think each time I arrive at a detail that I cannot quite expound upon I'm invited to a deeper level of reflection on the details of that moment.

We are called to pray about the life of Christ and to examine the deeper meaning found in the details Scripture.  If we read Scripture and see it as nothing more then a cool story then it should come as no surprise when our spiritual life's are lacking so much...God has shown me so much through the details of Scripture and I know He has also done so in the details of my own life.  So not reflecting upon my own life, to see similar deeper details, would not only be a disservice to myself and my experiences but also to my Creator who desires to love me exactly where I am.

GROUP PICTURE FROM WYD: