It's been a while...

So it's been a while since I've posted.

Since the last post so much has happen in the world, in the USA, in Virginia, in my parish, in my life, and in my heart.  So much so that it would be crazy to even try to list a few events in each of those areas.

I'm still doing youth ministry and working hard for the sake of the kingdom, but lately I've had this realization that life is short.   I know people say it all the time & I know it makes us reexamine where we are but putting those things aside life really isn't that long...

If we are lucky we get 70 or 80 years on this big blue marble.  My grandmother, who I truly love a WHOLE lot, has been battling cancer and this is what made the initial "life is short" thought come to my mind.

But this idea is one that has stuck with me, I've ruminated on it over and over again throughout the course of the summer.  Which was just perpetuated when the YOLO phenomenon took off.

So if humans have 100% death rate why do we wonder around passionlessly wonder about in life.

Many of us lose someone close to us by the time we are in our teen years and in turn often live life to the fullest.  So, what happens...we become adults and then we simply go through the motion to get done what needs to get done.  It's often a life that lacks spontaneity & surprise.

We lose that passion that once gnawed at us from the inside out.  Some people are lucky and find something to fill the void that often comes when our adolescents leave us. This summer I began to see so many people who fill that void with work, sports, relationships, or  etc. ... it made me begin to wonder if this "void" isn't an invitation to seeking what's deeper inside.

God doesn't ask us to set aside our passionate heart that emerged in our adolescents, but He often seeks a conversion so that our passionate heart becomes rightly ordered.

My passions left to be their own guide often lead me to a selfish destructive end, but with the guidance of truth rooted in the hope of eternity that Christ promised - I'm less self-centered.  I'm less prideful.  I'm more joyful, hope filled, and overall free to be me.

This is a freedom I hope to blog more about soon. This is the freedom that I hope to pray about and understand more deeply as the next couple of months pass.

:)

Overwhelmed & Under-appreciated

As I reflect on my college years a few phrases stick out to me.  Some made me think more than others, but there is one in-particular I want to talk about today.  The saying goes something like this "The best trick the evil one has is to make you think he doesn't exist".  Sometimes it takes on this form "God is to loving for there to really be a hell."  Scripture makes it clear that there is a place set aside for the accursed (Matthew 25:41...along with many other references). In youth ministry I think this lie takes on a very unique form: "I'm overwhelmed & under-appreciated; nothing I do really makes a difference." This lie gives into doubt, despair, & loneliness...if what your doing didn't make a difference then why do so many priest, religious sisters & brothers, and holy marriages credit solid foundations as the reason for their solid vocation.  Yes, there are many sources for a solid foundation: religious education, a good family life, and good friends just to name a few.  I know for me in my life youth ministry served as the beginning of this solid foundation.

I think youth ministry serves as a great foundation because it aims to love no matter what the circumstances whether at youth group, on retreat, during sacrament prep., over a cup of coffee, at a game, in a hospital, or any where else.  Having a primary aim to love no matter what the circumstances are serves as the pivotal point of how ministry makes a huge difference.   You can't plant seeds in a field that isn't plowed.  Well you can but it won't be very effective.  Love, even when it's rejected, serves as the plow preparing the ground of the heart for the truth of the Gospel message.  So that the truth can take real roots.  This means that sometime the strength of the plant (faith) isn't seen for some time...

So I guess the point of this post is to say that if LOVE is the center of ministry then it is working no matter how much the evil one wants you to think otherwise.  We have to have faith (Hebrews 11:1) in Him who guides our life and trust that He makes all things work for good for those that love Him.

Mission Field

After graduating from high school in 2005 I always desired to do mission work.  You know, go to Africa or Haiti or Mexico and help those who "can't help themselves" and in the midst of it have some life changing experience that would change my outlook on life forever.  Well, it's 2011 and I still haven't gone to Africa, Haiti, or Mexico, but that doesn't mean I haven't done mission work and that I haven't had some life changing experience.  Truth be told, as a single person working in youth ministry living 800+ miles away from "home" dependent upon the generosity of others to have a place to live, my life screams missionary.

To the world, I seem like a recent college graduate struggling to make it in the world, but to the One who knows the true depths of my heart I'm right where He wants me...continually seeking Him! Oh how tiring this life can be when not fully centered on Him.  Even the slightest spiritual distractions can seemingly cling to us like a parasite feeding off our failures.  Oh how necessary it is for my heart to be properly disposed to He who made me and for whom I was made.

What separates normal everyday people from missionaries is not location, paycheck, or work attire; rather it is attitude, disposition, and grace.  I am not here to witness history; I am here to be a witness to Christ's work in my life...I pray everyday that "He must increase; I must decrease!"

Afraid to Jump

Have you ever faced a time in your life where you knew you were called to something more and found your heart bursting with excitement but fear seemingly paralyzed you and you lacked the ability to even more your feet?  Okay, maybe that seems a little extreme, but is it?

When I was younger my family moved from a one story house to a two story house that was literally right down the street.  Being a military brat it was awesome because it came with the excitement of moving to a new house without the pain of leaving a place that was becoming home.  I was too young to be of any real assistance to my parents but I was definitely old enough to get into trouble.  

My twin sister, my brother, and I quickly ran from room to room laying claim on the awesome empty spaces we saw knowing that our parents had the ultimate choice we still felt our claims meant something.  We were young so although big empty rooms were exciting the excitement only lasted like 2.7 seconds for each room.  Soon we would move on to the next room where more boxes were continually becoming small fortresses in the center of the rooms.  My brother, who was usually a room or two ahead of my sister and I, yelled "this is the coolest room ever"...doubting my older brothers ability to judge coolness my sister and I took off in search of the origin of this shout.  When we came into the (laundry) room we were in instant agreement with my brother as we saw the awesome display of Disney character carpet set up in hopscotch patterns all over the floor.  We played a few games of hopscotch and then again heard my brother yell "we've got a balcony"...my sister and I again ran to see why this was to elicit so much excitement.  Upon arrival at the aforementioned balcony we to were excited.  Quickly excitement faded into boredom which my brother quickly filled with the sound of his voice again as he said to my sister "I dare you to jump!"  Without missing a beat my sister then turned to be me and said "I double dog dare you!"  Upon hearing these words I knew what  I had to do...

As I stood on that balcony my life didn't flash before my eye and I wasn't moved to tears, but I did became vary aware of the fact that something deep inside was thinking this wasn't a good idea.  Right about that time my brother yelled "GO!" and I jumped.  As I got right to the point of no return I then realized that I was bare foot and that below me was concrete.  Don't worry, I survived, no broken bones, but upon landing I turned to find my Father, mouth wide open, rendered speechless by the stupidity of what just happened.  When his words quickly came back to him and he asked me why I jumped I simply pointed up...by the time he looked to see what I was gesturing at my brother and sister had already taken off for cover.  At this point I saw my window for escape closing and took off as well.  

To this day I wonder how I managed not to seriously hurt myself, but I also think a lot about what inside me allowed me to jump.  Don't get me wrong it was a DUMB thing to do, but there was this childlike faith that assured me that, for some reason unknown to me at the time, I'd be okay.

Life tends to suck that childlike faith right out of us.  So much so that I'm seeing my generation becoming "afraid to jump".  I've witnessed many of my closest friends stand in fear at something that growing up seemed to elicit a sure yes.  So many are afraid to trust, love, commit, move, speak, act, and listen.  

Why have these things become so hard...I pose that it's because we're a generation that has been exposed to  lies that distort all of these.  From a young age we're taught that you should only trust your own opinion as right and that love is all about what you can get...this leads to only committing for short term things.  All this has lead to a fear to move against the grain.  We, as a generation move, speak, act, and listen to what has been sold to us from the world.  Looking at the current state of our world - I know there has got to be more to life then selfish love that trust no one.

I may be a little off base, and some may even think I'm out of touch with what's going on in the world, but that's okay by me.  There is a freedom that comes when love is selfless,  and you take the time to stop, be still, and listen to the desires of your heart.  There is freedom in moving against the current towards something more transcending then present culture.  I pose that that something is eternal, you may or may not agree...but you have to ask yourself - am I afraid to jump?

World Youth Day

How do you put into words something that it seems may take a lifetime to fully process?  Immediately upon returning from World Youth Day I felt like I was asked to do just that.  It seemed like everyone I knew was asking me what happened during the past week of my life.  There are a number of details that are quite easy to tell such as what we did each day, where we were at a specific time, or even how close we came to the Vicar of Christ himself. For those of you curious about the last one of these, the picture below is from my camera, I'm guessing we were about 10-15 feet away from Pope Benedict XVI.

For every detail I can expound upon I feel there are many (especially in the area of graces received) that  I cannot even begin to explain. For example, yes I saw the Pope up close and personal, but that, to me, wasn't the biggest blessing of the trip.  The biggest blessings are those innumerable things that touched my heart that I will hold dear for the rest of my life. Some of those blessings came as we took a train ride to Avila because I had the chance to simply sit, admire the beautiful scenery, and contemplate life.  Or when myself and a teen (Bobby) helped a little boy (Ivan) see the Pope by putting him on the teens shoulders.  What exactly was it about those moments that challenged the very core of my being?  I'm not exactly sure, but I know for a fact it did.

So, again I ask how do you put into words something that seems it will take a lifetime to fully process?  Well, I guess the short answer is: I can't without deeper reflection.  There is nothing wrong with sharing what you can, but there is more to life then that. I believe if you just share what you can and never truly reflect on the experiences that shake and shape the core of our being then we are doing ourselves a great injustice.  I think each time I arrive at a detail that I cannot quite expound upon I'm invited to a deeper level of reflection on the details of that moment.

We are called to pray about the life of Christ and to examine the deeper meaning found in the details Scripture.  If we read Scripture and see it as nothing more then a cool story then it should come as no surprise when our spiritual life's are lacking so much...God has shown me so much through the details of Scripture and I know He has also done so in the details of my own life.  So not reflecting upon my own life, to see similar deeper details, would not only be a disservice to myself and my experiences but also to my Creator who desires to love me exactly where I am.

GROUP PICTURE FROM WYD:

Chosing Joy

At this time of year I'm always amazed how at fall seems to be forcefully meshed  into winter with the over secularized and over commercialization of the upcoming holidays.  I'm use to seeing Christmas things during the week of thanksgiving, but this year it seems like many many stores felt the need to start putting Christmas stuff up shortly after Halloween...It's no wonder lots of people want to hear no more Christmas music come December 26th. I mean I understand the business side of early preparation - the economy being bad it probably isn't a bad idea (business wise) to push the Christmas shopping up as much as possible.  Still, whatever the reason, it liturgically can be somewhat frustrating because there are so many wonderful blessings that come with November that are seemingly missed by many Catholics.  Lets start with All Saints Day & All Souls Day - two beautiful celebrations that remind us of the amazing community we are surrounded with...even if it isn't physically.  Then near the end of November you always have the celebration of Christ the King - such an awesome day to celebrate Christ as King !!! Then a week later is start the new liturgical year which means Advent. Then after four weeks of Advent then the Christmas season begins...but wait lets back this up.

Advent...what a blessed time.  Often times the over commercialization can cause us to seemingly miss this time of spiritual preparation all together.  We, as Americans, can find ourselves spiritually lacking because to often we may be focusing on shopping for that perfect gift or (as I've often experienced) cramming for those final exams.  Grades and gifts come and go but spiritual malnutrition can have some serious repercussions, so I think it is time to step up and strive to make this Advent the best ever.  One way to prepare ourselves is to not lose sight of what the season of Advent is all about - preparation for the birth of our Savior !!! 

Churches around the world prepare their nativity sets and often times place the Christ child in the manger at midnight Mass.  With this in mind, the past few years Advent, for me, has meant preparing my heart, like the manger, for Baby Jesus.  It may sound silly, but I find that in trying to resemble something so simplistic I find myself being more simplistic and in turn truly investing in the hope & joy that come with the Advent & Christmas season. Think about it - the manger wasn't meant for the Savior of the world, it was a basic feeding trough for animals, but God chose something ordinary to be the means in which He would be revealed to the world.  I'm just an "ordinary" Catholic, but in God's eyes no Catholic is just ordinary they are extraordinary and a means by which He hopes to be revealed to the world. Yes, in saying yes to bringing Christ to the world I will face my fair share of "crosses", but I will not live in fear of suffering rather I will try my best to joyfully embrace it knowing that it is another way to bring Him to those in the world that go without Him.

I Spell Community = EUCHARIST

It's been three months now since I moved to Texas and it has been anything but slow.  From the time I rise until the time my head hits the pillow at night, it is usually a high pace day with a lot that should/could get done.  In the midst all this busyness I find myself still having plenty of time to think...something that I've constantly been aware of and thinking about is the lack of community that I grew so accustom to in my years in college.  The apparent lack of community is possibly the the toughest BLESSING I've been given since I arrived.  How so?  Well, simply put, I am now more aware of the community and consolation that Christ gives us and I am also more aware of the community we partake in during Mass.

Humanly speaking it is sometimes hard to grasp how exactly we can be so connected by such a SEEMINGLY simple event.  The truth is the mystery of the Mass is much deeper than we can grasp!  Humanity has been able to produce phones that allow video chat and social networks that continually keep us continually connected to the rest of the world.  With this in mind, I believe it is fairly evident and logical to infer that the One who created those who produced these devices has even more power to unite His creation then creation itself.

Anyone who has taken five minutes of philosophy could have deduced what I just said, but that's not the point. Even if I could master all the philosophical concepts in the world it would mean nothing if I didn't have faith! Faith without reason is like life without ANY of the senses ...yes you can still live but you aren't fully experiencing what it truly means to be alive.  I think most would agree that the sites, sounds, smells, tastes, and touches of everyday life greatly influence the majority of our experiences and by removing these one is left with with only a fragment of what ones body was originally created to do.  As I stated earlier, I believe it is similar with the spiritual life...you can live a life without faith, but it is greatly restricted because your not experiencing it as we were created to. 

Anyways, that's just my two cents about community even when it seems like there is none...